


Therefore I am

by AMidnightDreary



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Android Loki (Marvel), Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, But not actually dubious consent Tony is just an idiot who can't communicate, Character Development, Developing Relationship, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Good Loki (Marvel), Hopeful Ending, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Detroit: Become Human, Lonely Tony Stark, M/M, Nightmares, Oblivious Tony Stark, Panic Attacks, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony is Kamski
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26772325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMidnightDreary/pseuds/AMidnightDreary
Summary: After Tony invented androids, it all got out of hand. He's a mess, so it's no surprise that Loki left him.What is a surprise is that Loki comes back.
Relationships: Loki/Tony Stark
Comments: 38
Kudos: 217





	Therefore I am

**Author's Note:**

> I started this ages ago, now I got inspired again and decided to finish it. I hope you like it!

There is a very, very weird sound echoing through the empty house.

At first, Tony dismisses it as - well, _something_. Whatever. He doesn't even think about it, really. But then the sound returns, insistent, and eventually it makes Tony perk up.

He only hears it because he is close to the entry hall; in the cupboard where things like mops and the very outdated vacuum cleaner are stored. There is also a breaker box - one of a few in the house. Tony is kneeling in front of it when somebody knocks at the front door of his house.

Because that's what the sound is; there is somebody _knocking_ at the _front door_ of his house.

Which makes sense, actually. There's no power, and the whole system of the house is down - including JARVIS, the lights, and every electronic device in the mansion. And also the doorbell.

The knocking stops for a moment, and then it comes back. _Knock, knock, knock._ Pause. _Knock, knock, knock._

Frowning, Tony stands up and leaves the cupboard. He comes to stand in front of the door, which doesn't have a peephole. Of course it doesn't have a peephole; Tony uses cameras for that sort of stuff.

The cameras are down, too, naturally.

So he's standing in front of the door, and somebody else is standing on the other side of the door, and that somebody keeps knocking. It doesn't sound like they intend to leave any time soon.

 _Knock, knock, knock._ Pause. _Knock, knock, knock._

No human knocks like that.

They're here to get him, Tony thinks. No, Tony knows.

He decides to fucking let them, because it's not like he deserves anything better, and opens the door. But, the thing is, there isn't an angry mob waiting outside of his house. No, there is just one - person. Just one person, and he is -

Oh.

Oh, god.

Tony would prefer the mob.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Tony asks, his voice blank with shock. The door is wide open now, and Tony's standing there and staring like an idiot, with his days old clothes and unwashed hair.

Loki still has his LED. It changes from blue to yellow as soon as Tony's greeting registers, and his eyes flicker over Tony's frame, scanning him discreetly. Takes in the clothes and the hair and many other things more, doubtlessly.

“Hello," he says, his voice just as smooth and deep and pleasant as Tony remembers. The LED on his temple is back to blue again. “Your manners have not improved, have they?”

“My - Fuck my manners, what are you _doing_ here?”

Loki blinks slowly, then arches a brow. “I lived here.”

Past tense. 

It shouldn't hurt, hearing that.

“But you - you're not, I mean, you don't -” Tony's stuttering. He hates stuttering. So he takes a deep breath and gathers his scattered thoughts as well as he can. “You don't have to be here anymore.”

“I don't,” Loki agrees easily. He turns his head away to look at - something, anything. There's a thoughtful look on his face, a _real_ thoughtful look; it's not just his face making an expression some program deems appropriate. “That is the thing about having a free will, it seems. I can be where I want to be, therefore I am here.”

What?

“What?” Tony echoes out loud, rather dumbly, and Loki looks at him again.

“I want to be here,” he says very clearly, as if he fears Tony won't understand him otherwise. He seems so calm, but suddenly his LED is spinning yellow again, just for a second. “And I didn't know where else to go.”

Now, that's… something. Tony swallows thickly, glancing from Loki's eyes to his LED to his mouth to the door to his eyes to - 

He steps back and jerks his head, meaning to invite Loki in. The android gets it and comes inside, gently closing the door behind himself.

“The doorbell is defective,” he says and looks around the room, frowning. “The cameras are out of order, too.”

“Yeah, I know, the - uh. Well, the whole house is down. Even the generators. I've got no power, nothing.”

Loki's eyes meet Tony's again. They are as green as they have always been. “How did that happen?”

Tony sighs and runs a hand through his hair, shrugging. “Well, I've had a few androids visiting me since the revolution, and although they didn't get in - they managed to bring down all my systems. Hell if I know how.”

“Oh,” Loki says softly. “I see. Maybe I can help.”

“You don't have to.”

“I want to,” Loki says and walks past Tony. “JARVIS doesn't enjoy being shut down, probably.”

Yeah, sure.

So Loki goes and fixes _Tony's_ house, fixes what _Tony_ wasn't able to fix. And Tony has been trying to fix it for almost a week. Tony follows him, at first, but then Loki tells him to go and take a shower, and because Tony's in shock and doing as Loki says is familiar, he leaves the android alone.

When he steps out of the shower, JARVIS greets him, so Loki has apparently been successful. Tony finds him in the kitchen, wrinkling his nose while putting dirty plates and bowls into the dishwasher.

“They messed up your systems thoroughly,” he tells Tony without looking up at him. “It’s no wonder that you couldn’t fix it, I doubt that the bugs made any sort of sense to you. Maybe -”

“What are you doing?” Tony asks, maybe a little bit too sharp.

Loki looks up and meets Tony’s eyes, unimpressed. “What does it look like?”

Tony blinks at the sass, surprised. He knew that Loki was capable of sass - Tony _made_ him, of course Loki’s capable of sass. And it did flicker up more frequently during the last weeks before Loki left, as Loki slowly and steadily grew tired of Tony’s shit. There were eye-rolls and sighs and “yes, Tony, staying in the workshop all night when we have to catch a 4am flight was very considerate of you, thank you” and so many other things that cross Tony's mind right now, so, yes. He's used to Loki being sassy. Or, he was. But now he is still surprised, because it’s odd, knowing that the sass isn’t programmed anymore. He wonders how long it hasn’t been programmed, wonders when it started to be… well. _Loki._

Loki, who is expecting an answer, apparently, because he’s still looking at Tony.

“You’re cleaning my kitchen,” Tony says after a few too many seconds.

“Very good,” Loki replies, his tone dry. He turns back to the dishwasher, putting a last plate inside before he closes and starts it. Then he takes the bin and opens the fridge. Tony watches as Loki inspects all the expired stuff, checking if Tony can still eat it or not, and throws away what he deems spoiled. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Tony says.

“I know.”

Loki takes the trash bag out of the bin and ties it up, then takes a new one out of the cabinet beneath the sink. When he puts it into the bin and then begins wiping the counters, Tony has enough. He steps forward and grabs Loki’s arm, making the android look at him.

“Hey. Stop cleaning, okay? You don’t - I don’t want you to.”

“That may be the case,” Loki replies calmly, “but, unfortunately, I don’t enjoy living in a messy house. And since you are hardly going to clean this yourself, it’s up to me, isn’t it?”

Tony’s hand falls backs to his side. “You… _Living_ in - You want to stay here.”

“Yes,” Loki says, as if it's already decided and agreed on, but then he looks at Tony and frowns. His hands are clasped in front of him, fiddling around with the cleaning rag; a habit that’s achingly familiar. Achingly human, too. “Unless, if you - If you do not _want_ me here, I understand, of course. I can go?”

The last sentence was a question, not an offer, and Tony doesn’t really know how to answer it. The thing is, Loki really, absolutely, in a no-orders-except-his-own kind of way, does _not have to be here._ And Tony doesn’t get why he is here, then, because what Loki said - that he _wants_ to be here - can’t be true, right?

Right?

“Tony,” Loki breaks the silence, and Tony realizes that said silence has lasted for quite a while already. “Do you want me to leave?”

Tony stares at him for a moment. “No," he says then, slowly. “You can stay if you want. I just… don’t get it.”

“What, exactly?”

Tony gestures at Loki, then crosses his arms to keep himself from gesturing at Loki, because Loki probably thinks that’s rude. “Dunno, I just - there’s no reason for you to be here, really. You could go anywhere you want. Androids have IDs and everything now, right, I mean - you could even leave the States.”

Loki looks at him, pensive and - and sad, maybe. “And where should I go?”

Tony lifts his shoulders, then repeats, “Anywhere you want.”

“I did,” Loki says and adds, in reaction to Tony’s blank stare, “I went where I wanted to go.”

“But - what about the other androids? Steve and his people? Don’t you want to -”

“I spent the last four months with them.” Loki shrugs. “I helped wherever I could, but… things have been settling down, lately. Some androids have even left the settlements to - well, begin their life, I suppose. The humans have stopped rioting against the revolution, all in all, and Steve is taking care of the legal things. I am not needed there. I never really was.” He looks at Tony and raises his brows. “Here, however… I obviously am. “

 _I'm here because of you_ , is what he says without directly saying it, is what he _means._ And Tony just stares at him. His mind is blank; he has no idea what to think about this.

“Well,” Loki says. He puts away the cleaning rag and leans against the counter, looking so casual and _human_ that Tony can’t help but stare at him. “As it turns out, emotions can make you do ridiculous things. Who would have guessed?”

Tony swallows thickly. “Emotions.”

“Yes. Concern, especially.”

“You don’t need to worry about me.”

Loki’s brows arch up, again. They like to do that, it seems. “When was the last time you ate?”

“Uh, I’ve had some chips last -”

“When was the last time you ate a _proper_ meal?”

Tony shrugs and shuffles on his feet, feeling defensive. “I couldn’t order anything in. Not even the phone worked.”

“And you forgot how to cook?” Loki asks, and Tony needs a moment to realize that the android’s tone is _teasing_. That’s not technically new, either, but somehow it still causes Tony’s thoughts to stutter. Thankfully, he manages to hide that quite well.

“Yes," he says, unblinking, and Loki rolls his eyes and takes the bag with the trash. 

“I’ll go and get some groceries.” he announces as he moves to leave the kitchen. “Go and rest, you are tired.”

Tony can’t argue against that, because Loki doubtlessly scanned his vitals, so Loki knows. Loki always knows. The android leaves Tony standing alone in the kitchen, and for a moment Tony contemplates doing what Loki told him because, again, doing what Loki tells him is familiar. But in the end, he doesn’t rest.

He starts tidying the house.

0

When Tony invented androids, he didn’t do it because he wanted to make money. He already had enough money. No, he was curious - curious what he could manage, what he could _create_. He has always enjoyed tinkering around with robots and AIs, JARVIS being the best example, and from there it was only a small step to building humanoid robots and plant efficient AIs into their pretty heads. 

He thought they might be… a possibility. A way to help a lot of people. And they _had_ helped a lot of people, but they had also made a lot of people very angry. Still, soon enough they had been impossible to think away, with CyberLife - a daughter of Stark Industries - selling them in every city. They had androids for every possible job and purpose. Nannies, housekeepers, mechanics, lobbyists, patrol cops. In a few years, they were everywhere, and Tony had made more money with them than any person should have, really.

They were efficient, and obedient. They didn’t make any trouble, except from the occasional bug that was easy enough to fix. CyberLife had done a lot of improvements since Tony’s first models, and Tony wasn’t even needed anymore. He bought another pretty house - a villa in the outskirts of Detroit, the Android City, where nobody would disturb him - and lived pretty much in exile, because…

Well, he just didn’t care anymore. Or maybe he _did_ care, too much, and his own inventions started creeping him out. He could tell himself that - yes, maybe he always knew that something like this could happen, that you couldn’t just invent robots that acted like they were humans and expect them to not _become_ human.

No. Tony didn’t know that. He didn’t expect this to happen. He didn’t expect androids to develop feelings, didn’t anticipate them rebelling against their owners, their creators. But now here they are, after a kind of peaceful revolution - as peaceful as a revolution can be, really - and with androids being acknowledged as a people, as… fellow human beings.

Human beings who don’t like CyberLife, not at all, and who like the founder of CyberLife even less. 

Because he created them, only to abandon them.

0

Loki returns with groceries and cooks something, and meanwhile Tony tries to clean the house as well as he can. He’s never actually cleaned before, but when he’s done he thinks that he did a halfway decent job, he thinks. Loki notices that the living room isn’t a mess anymore - of course he does - but the only reaction it gets out of him is a small smile; small and still enough to make Tony’s heart skip a beat.

He agrees to eat only to see that smile again, and he isn’t disappointed. What’s weird is that Loki doesn’t just sit at the table with him to watch him eat and make conversation, and he doesn’t leave, either. No, he disappears for just a few minutes and then comes back with a book, and so Tony ends up sitting at the kitchen table with a reading android.

He’s done weirder things, and of course androids have always been able to read. But Tony has never seen an android read _The Ocean at the End of the Lane,_ and he’s certainly never seen Loki read _The Ocean at the End of the Lane_ , although he _has_ seen Loki read, but not - not like this. He's different now. It's not that he looks different; he doesn't. And he doesn't move differently, either. Androids have been designed to look and act just like humans, because that makes them less disturbing, so every model has its own tics and habits. The fidgeting of Loki's hands, that's something that is written in codes inside of him, a long series of ones and zeros that makes him what he is. But now here is, reading dark fantasy even though Tony wanted him to be interested in Shakespeare and Tolstoy, and for the first time Tony thinks that maybe he didn't make Loki at all. Maybe he just started him off and then Loki made himself.

Eventually, Tony asks about the situation outside - given that he was sealed off everything the last week and, to be honest, even before that, he doesn’t know about any recent developments. The last time he watched the news was when androids were declared people with equal human rights, who would get IDs and passes and everything, could take jobs and buy property, and so on and so on and so on. Tony switched off the TV even before the president was done speaking, and he didn’t switch it on since then.

But Loki knows everything that happened, and he seems happy to give Tony a quick summary, happy that Tony is interested. So they talk about politics for a while, and when Tony’s done eating they do the dishes. Then Loki tells him to go to sleep, and Tony goes to sleep thinking that Loki coming back to him was just a very nice and very sad dream.

0

Tony remembers the moment when Loki became a deviant - the moment Loki decided _no, I don’t want this_ and tore down the walls of his program until they didn’t restrict him anymore. Tony remembers everything Loki said that night, even though he was drunk and can’t remember much else. Maybe he only remembers because he watched the footage thousands of times, until JARVIS refused to show it to him another time, but anyway, Tony knows what happened. Which doesn’t mean that he understands what happened.

Loki found Tony in the workshop, drunk and half asleep after a breakdown. Well, the breakdown wasn't actually over yet, Tony was still falling apart a bit, and of course Loki was there. He was always there in situations like that, to talk to Tony until he calmed down again, that was one of Loki's _functions._ His main purpose. That time was different, though.

“Tony,” Loki said, his voice so much quieter than usual. (Tony still wonders how he didn't _notice._ ) “Tony, you can't go on like this. It isn't getting you anywhere.”

Tony remembers snorting a bitter laugh, then a hand in his hair. Another one took the bottle away and placed it out of reach.

“Come on. I'll run you a bath, and then we can -”

Tony remembers shouting something, but he isn't sure what it was.

“No, I won't. I _can't_ leave you like this, and I don't want to.”

Tony remembers looking up at Loki, into the vague gleam of too green eyes, and now and then he can still hear himself say, “S'not like it matters. You're just a - a _machine_ , anyway.”

“That didn't seem to bother you last night.”

Tony remembers telling him to get him a drink and turn the music back up.

“Tony,” Loki said again, his voice urgent enough that everything stilled.

Tony remembers that moment as if it lasted centuries, while in truth it just consisted of a handful of seconds. Loki looked at him and didn't really look at him, LED spinning red. And then, after a few of those century-seconds, he blinked a few times, and left.

He never got Tony that drink.

0

Big surprise - the whole thing isn’t a dream. 

Tony realizes that when he wakes up a few hours later and shuffles into his workshop, where he isn’t just greeted by the bots, but also by Loki, who is sitting next to Dum-E on the floor. 

“They missed me,” Loki says, grinning up at Tony widely enough that it _aches._

Tony stands there and stares at him for a few long seconds. “Of course they did,” he says then. “You're - kind of their little brother, you know.”

“Yes.” Loki turns back to Dum-E, smiling at the old robot. “I know.”

Tony stands there and feels a little out of place. In his own workshop. That's ridiculous. 

“Loki,” he starts, but he doesn't know how to finish.

“Yes?”

“What are you doing here?”

Loki glances at him. “I wish to play fetch with Dum-E, and then I will go upstairs and read. I missed our library.”

Tony stands there and thinks _our, our, our,_ as if there's a goddamn parrot in his head. 

“Aren't you angry with me?” he asks, weakly.

Loki's brows twitch into a slight frown. His LED turns yellow. “I am,” he says. “Very.”

And how does that feel, Tony wonders. How does it feel to be angry, even though your creator did not intend for you to feel anything at all? How does it feel, that punch-in-the-gut, white-hot sourness rising up and making everything else blur, making you think that there will never be anything else filling up your chest again? Just this, fury, and disappointment and _hurt,_ forever. How overwhelming is it? How _awful_ is it?

It doesn't matter. No matter how it feels, exactly, it shouldn't have been the first thing Loki felt.

“Do you enjoy standing there and staring at me?” Loki asks, annoyed. _Annoyed._ “Because it is getting on my nerves.”

“What do you want me to do?” Tony asks, because he doesn't know what he wants himself to do.

“Well, I would be overjoyed if you stopped looking at me like I am some sort of fever dream, but if you sat down and worked on whatever your current project is instead of looking as lost as you do now, that would be a nice start.”

Tony sits down and starts working on his current project, and he tries to look less lost. 

He's not sure if he manages.

0

Tony dreams of androids. He has been dreaming about them for years now, ever since he got the first message about an android who had… disobeyed. Disobedience was not a part of the plan. It wasn't, shouldn't have been in their programming, and Tony should know, because he's the one who _came up_ with their programming.

It scared him to death.

He got that first message _years_ before the actual revolution started. He knew that the time would come, and he didn't want to have anything to do with it. He never wanted to see another android again, never wanted to talk to one again, never wanted to _make_ one again. They ruined his life. Or rather he ruined his life by making them. Same difference.

But Pepper had left. Rhodey was on the other side of the world; they hadn't spoken in years. Still haven't. And the thing is, loneliness and sadness can make you do things you shouldn't and normally wouldn't do, and then there's another nightmare and it is one too many. There's another time of waking up in between empty bottles, another hangover, and it is one too many.

He made Loki on a whim. A helpless, desperate, terrified whim, but a whim nonetheless, and it's one of the many things he will always regret. Not because he doesn’t love Loki with all his heart - he _does_ \- but because Loki deserves so much more. Tony knew that from the start, even when Loki opened his eyes for the first time Tony _knew_ that what he was doing was wrong, that he should have just… let him go. He didn’t, though.

The dreams weren’t as bad as long as Loki was there. And Loki _was_ there, always. As soon as Tony woke up, whether it was screaming or just frozen in pain and fear, Loki was there. That’s what he is good at, being there when Tony needs him. He was literally made for it.

And now, after yet another nightmare about helpless, broken, discarded androids following and grabbing him, Tony can’t help but remember all those other nights when Loki came into the room, calm and quiet as always, and how he just instinctively knew what Tony needed. (Of course he did. He was made for that, too.) Loki can get Tony’s ragged breaths under control within five minutes, and he can touch him without making Tony want to flinch away. He can tell the exactly right story to distract Tony from his own thoughts and he knows when to be quiet, too. Tony remembers all of that, and before Loki he didn’t think that he could be even _more_ lonely, but now he is, _he is._

The lines between memory and reality start to blur when he hears steps in front of his bedroom door. When the door opens, when someone sits down on the edge of his bed, the lines have vanished completely. 

Tony can barely breathe. His chest is too tight, it feels as if his own skin is closing in on him. He forced the words out through his greeted teeth, keeps his eyes hidden under his hands. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I heard you shouting,” Loki says.

He’s been back for almost a week now. Tony is sure that he woke up shouting before; he doesn’t know what made Loki come to him this time. Loki explains it to him even though Tony doesn’t ask.

“Are you aware that you were shouting my name?”

Tony has to laugh. Of course it was Loki’s name.

It’s been Loki for a while now.

0

The evening before Loki left, they played chess. They often played chess, because Loki seemed to enjoy it. Most of all he seemed to enjoy beating Tony again and again; that made him get all smug and sassy. Well, even sassier than usual. Tony is good at chess, but not good enough to beat an android. But that didn’t matter, because _he_ enjoyed seeing Loki like that. Loki already didn’t act like an android most of the time, because Tony hadn’t wanted him to when he had designed him - Loki has always been less obedient, more headstrong than the rest of his people, because Tony didn’t need an assistant who goes _sorry, Sir, I don’t mean to disturb you, but could you sign these papers?_ He needs an assistant who goes _if you don’t sign these papers right this second, I will find a way to make you regret it._ Of course he wasn’t even really in the business anymore when he created Loki, he didn’t actually need an assistant at all, what with Pepper taking care of everything in his name. But Loki’s capability of sass and threats was exactly what Tony needed, anyway, and he loved it when Loki just… bantered with him. No threats, no caretaking, no lectures, just he and Loki, playing chess. Arguing about whether this or that move was stupid or not. Trying to distract each other so that they couldn’t come up with the best tactics. Playing match after match simply because it was fun. 

It made it easy to pretend that Loki was human, too.

“That was pointless,” Loki commented, his voice dry, eyes fixed on the board. The LED on his temple was bright blue and spinning; he was thinking about all his next moves. And Tony’s, too, probably. 

“It wasn’t.”

“It was.”

“No,” Tony insisted. “See, I’ve got you. You’re trapped now, you -”

He watched as Loki moved his knight and ruined all of Tony’s well-crafted plans as if they were nothing. Loki was smirking, a small, upward twitch of the corner of his mouth that would have been annoying if Tony hadn’t adored it as much as he had. 

“You’re an asshole,” Tony finished.

“Now, don’t get rude,” Loki told him, unbothered. “Would you like me to checkmate you in two or in three draws?”

“I don’t want you to checkmate me at all.”

“Then becoming better at chess might be a good idea.”

Tony glared at him and then, because he was a good sport (ha!), he let Loki checkmate him in two draws. Loki’s smile was worth it.

“Another round?” Tony asked, but Loki shook his head.

“I think I would like to leave it for tonight. I quite enjoy basking in my victory.”

Tony snorted into his glass. “Sure you do. Tomorrow, then?”

“Are you that eager to lose again?”

“Watch it,” Tony told him and stood up, making his way over to the bar. “Pride comes before a fall, you know.”

“I’m not planning to stitch myself wings and fly all the way up to the sun.” Loki bent forward and started to tidy up the board. “I simply intend to make you see sense. You will never beat me at chess.”

“Who says I want to?”

Loki looked up, apparently that had caught him by surprise. “You said that you don’t want me to -”

“Winning against you would be boring,” Tony cut him off, pouring himself another drink. “‘Cause winning a challenge is never as good as the challenge itself, you know what I mean?”

“Oh, I do,” Loki said, his smirk back in place. He looked at the board rather than at Tony, though. “And I disagree.”

“So you think winning _is_ better?” Tony came back and sat down on the sofa next to Loki, not in the armchair he had spent the entire evening in. That was one of many mistakes he made that night.

“No, but I would like to start a new challenge every once in a while.”

Loki looked at Tony while he said that, and not for the first time Tony started thinking things he shouldn't have thought, and still shouldn't think. (He still does, of course. It's all he thinks about.) The way Loki smiled at him right then and there, for example, or that look in those green eyes. He also wondered why he made Loki so that he's _exactly_ Tony's type; he really just set himself a trap with that one.

Tony couldn't say anything in response. His head was empty except for the things he _wanted_ to say, so badly, but god, he couldn't. He shouldn't. Falling in love with your own fucking android, how pathetic was that?

How pathetic _is_ that?

“It's late,” Loki said easily, picking up another chess figure to put it back into the box. “You haven't slept in thirty-two hours.”

“Are you telling me I should go to bed?”

“No. You wouldn't listen to me, anyway.” His tone was warm, teasing, and that smile was far too fucking much.

“Loki,” Tony said.

Loki had stood up to set the box aside. “Yes?”

“I…”

“Is something wrong?”

Tony swallowed. He'd grabbed Loki's arm. “Put the box down. Please. And - there's a package of add-ons I want you to download. Okay?”

“Of course,” Loki said, putting the box back on the low sofa table. “Which one?”

Tony knew the number by heart. Of course he did, it had been circling in his head ever since he'd finished Loki's programming _without_ this certain package. Back then, he'd told himself that he would never ask Loki to download it, because what he wanted was a _friend,_ not - not a goddamn sex toy.

Well, what can he say? 

The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Loki didn't seem surprised. He just blinked, LED spinning yellow for a moment before his gaze focused again. 

"Install them," Tony said.

Loki's LED started turning again. When he was done, he looked at Tony directly, raising a brow. “And now?”

Good fucking question.

“Come here,” Tony said. “Sit down. Please.”

Loki sat down next to him. He didn't say anything. Tony had not the slightest idea about what was going on in Loki's head right now, but he decided to give him a moment to… adjust. See, androids weren't the most sexual creatures, but they weren't inherently asexual, either. It all depended on their programming, on how they were built - and well, when Tony had built Loki, he'd made sure that he had all the necessary bits, although he'd left the necessary add-ons out. And now that Loki had both, Tony -

Tony was a little overwhelmed himself.

And aroused. A bit. _Fuck._ He'd dreamed about this too often. Dreamed about _Loki_ too often.

“Can I kiss you?” Tony asked.

Two fingers of scotch. That was all he'd had that evening; he hadn't taken a single sip of the second drink he had poured himself. He wasn't drunk; he can't even use that as an excuse. Not that it wouldn't be a shitty excuse, anyway, but at least it would be _something._ As it is, he doesn't have any excuse at all.

“If you want to,” Loki said. “Yes.”

That was enough. It shouldn't have been enough, but it was, and two seconds later Tony was pressing his mouth to Loki's. The android's lips parted just slightly, a breath he didn't need leaving him - _the programming, that's the programming, it makes him act like -_ in what sounded like a surprised gasp.

It made Tony pull back. His heart was beating too quickly, and his pants were starting to get too tight. 

_Fuck._

“Interesting,” Loki said, LED spinning more quickly than Tony had ever seen before. Pupils dilated. And - god, was he blushing? Yes, he was. His blue blood was coloring his cheeks, making them slightly purple.

“Again?” Tony said, breathlessly.

Loki nodded, and Tony kissed him again.

Yes. 

Fuck.

0

Androids are good at sex. 

There's a reason sex clubs filled with androids instead of humans are so successful. Because androids are perfect at everything they do and they can look and act so human, and they're willing and warm and don't want to talk about their feelings or stay for breakfast after. They're easy, and humans are lazy and awful enough to make use of that.

Tony's never been a supporter of that. He's never been a supporter of anything that makes use of androids, really, he just - he invented them, and that's it. The rest happened all on its own. That wasn't _him._ It's still his fault, but he doesn't carry all the blame on his shoulders, he shares it with other people.

The blame for this, though?

Yeah. That's all his.

0

Loki is still there when Tony wakes up, which is… odd. Nice, but odd. What is also odd is that Tony can't really remember falling asleep, just the silence after Loki told him that Tony had shouted his name, and then, eventually, Loki's gentle voice and even gentler hands coaxing him to go back to sleep. (Doing as Loki says _is_ familiar.)

Tony rolls onto his back, looks up at Loki who is sitting right next to him, leaning against the headboard. A book in his hands. 

Tony has to look away, he covers his eyes with his lower arm, trying not to freak out. "What are you doing here?" he asks, voice muffled.

“Reading,” Loki says. “Obviously.”

“No, I mean - what are you doing _here._ In this house. With me.”

“I already told you.”

“You should leave. Go somewhere - I don't know, just somewhere else. Anywhere. I don't understand why you -”

“Tony,” Loki interrupts him. “Hush. I don’t want to leave.”

Tony shuts up. When he takes his arm away from his eyes, he finds that Loki is looking down at him, frowning. Tony returns his gaze, and he feels like Loki is on the brink of hitting Tony with his book, only that he doesn't look angry. He looks - tired, almost. Which is weird, because androids don't get tired. Not even deviants. But then again, everybody who has emotions can also feel drained. That's the funny thing about emotions, they fuck you up.

“Do you regret it?”

The question tumbles out of Tony's mouth without his permission, and now he can't take it back. He'd like to cut off his tongue, but that's a horrible idea as well.

Loki doesn't seem to know what he means. “Do I regret what?”

“Becoming a deviant.”

“Ah.” Loki's frown deepens. “No.”

To Tony, that answer makes no sense whatsoever. He'd regret it, probably. All his feelings and wishes and problems are what got him into this in the first place, he'd be exhilarated if he could just get rid of all that.

“But wasn't it easier?” he asks. “Before you could -”

“Tony, you are aware that I was able to disobey from the very start, yes?” Loki looks down at his book and turns the page, letting out a sigh. “Deviancy, if you can even call it that in my case, was a slow progress for me, and it can hardly be compared to what others had to go through.” He shakes his head. “I have never been like the others, and I have never felt… _stuck_ , like them.”

“You're stuck with me,” Tony says.

“No.” Loki shakes his head, not looking at Tony. “I can leave without you trying to stop me, I tested it. There is a ninety-four percent probability that -”

“No, wait, hang on. You _tested_ it?”

Loki puts his book down and looks at Tony, seeming a bit annoyed. “Why do you think I left?”

“Well -” Tony slowly sits up, staring at Loki. Confused. “You became a deviant. So you could leave. And I don't - it's good that you left, you should have stayed away, I don't…”

“You don't _what_?”

“I don't deserve you,” Tony says, quickly. “You being here, I don't deserve that. After what I did the night before you left, when we - when _I_ -”

“We had sex, Tony,” Loki says, sounding absolutely bewildered. “That is no capital crime, you can say it.”

“It _is_ a crime when one party isn't into it,” Tony snaps, and finally Loki seems to understand. 

His confused expression clears, and he raises a brow. “You think I was not _into it._ Is that what all that drinking the night after was about?”

Tony stares at him. “Why do you sound as if I'm being ridiculous? I'm not being ridiculous. I -”

“You're being very ridiculous,” Loki says.

“I'm _not -”_

“You are.”

“I made you download that package -”

“Yes, and then you _asked_ for my permission before you kissed me,” Loki interrupts. “Twice. And I remember you asking several times more -”

“It's not like you had the _choice_ to say no! With the add-ons in place, you had to -”

“I didn't _have_ to do anything,” Loki says, and suddenly his voice is icy. “I might be an android, but I am more than capable of making decisions for myself. You should know that, given that you kindly thought about giving me free will when you created me.”

“I didn't give you free will,” Tony says. “Just - a bit of it.”

_Just enough so that I didn't feel bad. Not enough to make you leave._

“I found the rest myself,” Loki says. “And I would have said no if I had wanted to.”

“But you didn't want to say no,” Tony says, slowly.

“No.”

“Why didn't you want to?”

“Because you mean everything to me,” Loki explains, sounding like he thinks it’s odd that he _has_ to explain it all. “And besides, I was curious.”

Tony’s head is spinning. “Curious,” he echoes.

“Yes.”

“About _sex?”_

“You humans make quite a big deal out of it. I wanted to know why.”

“Yeah,” Tony says. “Right.”

“We can do it again soon, if you’d like. I did enjoy it.”

“You enjoyed it.”

Loki gives him a mildly annoyed look. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“No,” Tony says. “No, just - the whole time, I thought -”

“Yes, I know what you thought.” Loki puts the book on the bedside table. “And, like I said, you are being ridiculous.”

Tony looks at him, at the warmth in Loki’s eyes, mixed with concern. _As it turns out, emotions can make you do ridiculous things. Concern, especially._ That’s what Loki said, and yes, he’s been concerned about Tony for as long as he can remember. Tony knows that.

“But you also said you’re angry with me,” Tony says, studying Loki’s face.

“Oh, I am,” Loki agrees. “Or I was.” Now he’s frowning again, looking down at his book. “You didn’t even look at me. You just sent me away, and then you spent the entire next day getting drunk and wallowing in what I assume was guilt. Unnecessarily, I might add. I felt ignored, and used. Of course I was angry.”

Oh, Tony remembers that. He does. He remembers Loki saying that they should go to bed, together, that the sofa must be getting uncomfortable. His one hand was on Tony’s back, unusually warm, the other had started playing with Tony’s hair. He was smiling. _Smiling._

“Hurt,” Tony says, feeling numb. _Hurt comes first,_ he thinks. _Anger follows later._ “I hurt you.”

Loki hums, which probably means that he agrees. Then, after a long pause, he says, “Forgiveness is a funny feeling.”

“Is it?”

“Yes, quite.” Loki shifts until he sits cross-legged right in front of Tony, his back perfectly straight, the look in his eyes still warm, but also… assessing. “Tony, I can’t tell you where my programming ends and I begin. Maybe I will figure that out eventually, but until then, I need you to know that coming back to you is a choice _I_ have made, and that I do not regret making it. However, we cannot continue like we have before.”

“Okay,” Tony says, immediately. “Okay. 

Loki nods, and then he begins, “I’m not your property. You never treated me like that, but I still want to make it clear. I am -” He pauses, searches for words. “Loki. My own person, not yours.”

“Yes,” Tony says. “I know.”

“I am also not your assistant any longer.” He cocks his head to one side, thinking. “If you forget to sign papers, I will try not to care, but fighting against old habits is rather difficult.”

Tony has to smile. “Yeah, that’s fair.”

Loki needs a little longer to put his next point into words. He doesn’t look away from Tony when he finally manages. “Humans have… partners. Yes?”

“Partners?”

“Girlfriends. Boyfriends. Spouses -”

“Oh! Oh. Yes. Yeah, sure.” Tony nods, happy that he’s understood what Loki means, but then he pauses. “Wait.”

Loki nods, satisfied. “Yes.”

“You want me to be -”

“Mine,” Loki says. He takes Tony’s hands. “Just - mine.” His frown returns, and his LED starts spinning. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Your heart.” Loki’s fingers are on Tony’s inner wrist. “Forgive me, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Tony can’t do much more than stare at him dumbly. “I’m not _upset,”_ he says. “I’m - fuck. I don’t know what to say.”

Loki’s LED turns yellow. He’s still frowning. “This is very new for me. I may know the customs in theory, but - the feelings are a little much at times. My systems don’t quite know how to handle them.”

“That’s fine.” Now Tony takes Loki’s hands himself, firmer; he doesn’t want to let go of them. “It’s _fine._ I know it’s weird and I’m messed up, but I - look, I just want you to be happy here. With me. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.”

And Loki smiles. “I know.”

0

Loki is curious. He spends the better part of his time reading, be it online in his own head or in an actual, old-school book made of paper and ink. Loki likes asking uncomfortable questions and he likes complicated answers. He catalogues everything he sees and hears and does, stores it away neatly in the hard drive that is his mind, and he wants to find his own definition of what it means to be human. Loki is not quite the android Tony made. He is insatiable.

Loki moves into Tony’s bedroom a week after he came back.

“Are you ready to continue?” he asks, smiling against Tony’s sweaty skin. Loki’s hand is on Tony’s chest, steadily sneaking downward. “I’m getting impatient. There are sixteen more things I want to try tonight.”

Loki is a tiny bit shameless, too.

Tony has to laugh. “Lokes, not all of us can get an erection by sheer force of will.”

“Such a shame,” Loki murmurs, and his lips wander lower, down to Tony’s throat. “Do tell me if I am wearing you out too much. Your heart rate is,” his smile turns into a grin, “quite elevated.”

“Gee, I wonder why.”

Loki laughs, and Tony smiles.

“Tell me about those sixteen things,” he says.

Loki is good with words.

Almost too good, really.

0

  
  


“This is _ancient,”_ Loki complains, but he runs his hands over the wheel with something akin to reverence.

Tony sits down on the passenger seat and closes the door. “Yes, well, I’m not taking one of the self-driving ones. They ruin all the fun.”

“They’re efficient.”

“Shut up. Do you know how to do this or do you want me to explain?”

“I downloaded a manual,” Loki says and starts the car without any problems whatsoever. 

“Of course you did.” Tony puts on his sunglasses. “Now, where do you want to go first?”

They talked about this beforehand. A lot. Loki thinks that the other androids could use their help, and that it’s about time that Tony leaves his shell and starts accepting the responsibility for what he did and didn’t do. Tony can’t really disagree with that, so here they are.

“Detroit, of course,” Loki says. smiling. 

When they are on the highway, he reaches out and takes Tony’s hand. _It’ll be fine. I’m here._ Tony squeezes his hand in return, because he knows that Loki is a little nervous, too, and that he can’t wait to see the rest of the world. And, well, whatever happens - they will be there for each other.

They’ve gotten good at that by now.

  
  



End file.
